28 Days

28 days without smoking
I'd still like to be smoking
I don't feel any different
Still having crazy dreams
Last night's was, I guess the word I'm looking for is interesting
I was Harry Potter (not Daniel Radcliffe the actor that plays Harry but Harry Potter in real life)
But I was a part of the cast of Seinfeld
In Jerry's role
In the dream the caste wasn't involved in an episode
We were in a convertible trying to get to set to film a new episode
I am passed the point of trying to figure out these dreams anymore
I know only that I woke up angry that the dream was over
And
At no point did I perform any magic

Juicy Fruit

The lyrics to the Juicy Fruit jingle are terrible:

Get your skis shined up

Grab a stick of Juicy Fruit

The taste is gonna move ya

Take a sniff

Pull it out

The taste is gonna move ya when you pop it in your mouth

Juicy Fruit

It's gonna move ya

It chews so soft

It gets right to ya

Juicy Fruit

The taste, the taste, the taste is gonna move ya

Smokeless Day 18

18 Days
No smoking
Not much happening
Except the dreams
Last night's:
I was in Living Color
The band
Not the show
I wanted to quit the band because I wanted to play another song other than Cult of Personality
He said I couldn't quit but at the same time, I couldn't play on stage
Everytime I tried to get on stage, he'd hit me with a bat and knock me down the steps
Then he'd yell at me to go tune my guitar and hurry back
Only to hit me again

What could this all mean?

Day 11

11 cigaretteless days
11 and counting
And as of today, I am off the Chantix
17 days was plenty
It's a self imposed end
No more
It was my intention to ween myself off of it
That plan, however, is off the table
I'm done with it
I don't like what it's doing to me
The moodswings are incredible
It's just not worth it anymore
Honestly
Who could take those pills for 3 months?
Raging headaches - and I don't think I've ever had a headache in my life
Dreams about being trapped in houses, compounds, and buildings
Dreams about being in a bar and being pursued by Charles Fleischer, the voice of Roger Rabbit, and by Peter Van Norden, Officer Vinnie Schtulman from Police Academy 2: Their First Assignment
With both playing each other's wingman
Nightmares that jarred me awake so violently that I was immediately having panic attacks
And then would be unable to return to sleep
While awake I find I am unable to control my mouth
More so than usual
Knowing that I should stop talking
Knowing I'm not making any sense
Knowing that virtually no filter exists between my brain and mouth
This became a daily (nightly) occurrence
So this is the end
I'm better off having uninterrupted sleep
I'm better off having my panic attacks in the middle of the day
I'm better off having the ability to shut up
I'm better off not dreaming about the voice behind cartoon rabbits and character from Police Academy (Though having Zed and/or Mr. Sweetchuck appear in a dream every now and then wouldn't necessarily be unwelcome).
No more Chantix

Day 9

Day 9 of Chantix
Day 2 of not smoking
2nd time through this
Though the 1st was with Wellbutrin
That attempt went well
Not only did it relieve me of the urge to smoke, it relieved me of my sense of humor
In hindsight, not a bad trade off
Once I was off the meds, it came back
The smokeless life lasted for 18 months
While smokeless I traded smoking for boredom
Boredom that I filled with eating
I was not conscious of it
I just did it
When normally I would be smoking, I was eating
And eating
And eating
Apparently, at the time, there was a Fat Mike joke or two
Though I heard them later
After I started smoking again

So now, it's Chantix
No real side effects to speak of yet
No smoking for 2 days
So far
So good
Though again, I don't know what to do with myself
Sitting alone at home on the couch
During commercials
After dinner
Times when I would normally smoke
Last night I found that I became manic
Couldn't sit idle
I don't know that it's so much an oral fixation as it a fixation on being occupied
I think what I need is a distraction
One that does not involve food of course
A finite, mindless activity that I can occupy myself with to pass the time
Something that will allow me to multitask while I watch television or a movie
I'll have to think on this for a bit

ABC

It was nice to play a real hardcore show again
No heat/AC (This time is was the former)
No ventilation to speak of
A floor that feels like it's on the verge of giving way
Touring bands just trying to make it to the next stop with a few extra dollars to keep going
Bands sick from not sleeping right, not eating right, and not really bathing
Not having the crowd disappear after one band plays, leaving no one to watch the bands that follow
Discovering bands that I actually enjoy
Bands that I would see again
Bands that I'd like to play with again

When you get a chance
Check out Misanthopic Noise
Check out Nimbus Terrifix
Check out Matahari (from Boston)
It was nice to play a real hardcore show again

Way to Go, Destroyer of My Brunch

Destroyer of my brunch

That's what you will forever be known as

Yes, you

Bellville waiter

No bloody mary?

Um...what?

Booze would have made the experience tolerable

Or it might have just set me off entirely

At least look at me when taking my order

Return with milk when we ask for it

Or come by after the flavorless fare is delivered to our table by the busboy to inquire whether or not our food is to our liking

It wasn't

Or to see if we'd like anything else

A menu from another restaurant perhaps?

Or how about the check

Maybe?

At least look in our direction

The reasons above are why you received a $3.83 tip

And you only got that much because I would have rather not wait another half hour for change

If you had done any of those things

Been the least bit attentive

I wouldn't have minded the bland food

The cold, soggy fries

The pile of dressingless leaves in the corner of my plate that is the Bellville attempt at salad

I did receive satisfaction though

Complaining about you to the waiter who actually looked in our direction

You turned me into a tattle-tale

And for that

I hate you

And your co-workers for not kicking you in the ass

And your restaurant for employing the useless

Damnit

I want my $3.83 back